Low Self Esteem Has Many Faces

The Many Faces Of Low Self Esteem

A common mistake parents make is thinking that a high achiever is a person with high self esteem. Guess what—high self esteem is not about what you do or what you achieve. High self esteem happens when someone knows, with every cell of his being and every ether of his spirit, that in every moment of every day, no matter what is going on in his life, he knows he is fine.
Someone with high self esteem knows that the most horrendous event will be handled. There may be unfathomable pain in the processand all will be well at some point in time. The reason people survive and bounce back is they have high self esteem. The strength that carries him through the challenges is high self esteem. That he is able to view problems as opportunities to grow is high self esteem.
Parents tend to be concerned when their child is withdrawn, sad or even depressed, when he seems to lack enthusiasm for life. Yes, all those behaviors may also be symptoms of low self esteem. And realize they may be symptoms of physical issues too, completely unrelated to the cause of the child’s outward moods. When a child is out there smiling and being almost bigger than life maybe he is in a great space with high self esteem. And maybe it is all a show. Maybe it is all an act to protect himselfor you, his parent. Just maybe he is afraid to let you down because he doesn’t know he will be loved if he is not the “star” and the “best” at everything he does.
It is funny when you stop and notice that psychologists explain away “bad” behaviors as calls for help, attempts to get attention. They may even suggest that refusing to give the child the desired attention is the solution to that problem. I am talking about a kid who is so desperate for love (in the guise of punishment) he is willing to act in ways he knows are undesirablejust to know someone cares enough to stop him.
Unfortunately parents stop the behavior because they are embarrassed or feel disempowered by an unruly child rather than to help the child gain acceptance. Does anyone like a child who “breaks the rules” and behaves in ways that take attention from others? Do “troublemakers” have any friends?
What about those super star kids? Their good behavior just may be a call for attention too. For them, the action and award or achievement gets is noticed and praised rather than the child who pure and simple, is lovable for doing nothing other than exist.
Think a moment. How does your child ask for your attention? In what form do you give it to him? Hugging and "I love you just because you are you." work really well.

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

Revealing the secrets to raising "Kids Who Can"--can be, do and be anything they want to life in life.

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