Green Living

Green--may be the biggest buzz word around today. I see two meanings for the word, green:

1. supporting the ecosystem of Earth thereby keeping more green alive on this planet
2. wealth derived from sustaining a healthy environment by eliminating waste and recycling all we possibly can

In my own home, I only print out the pages I need and keep everything else as PDF files on my computer. A great free program for converting web pages and other documents into PDF files is downloadable at
http://cutePDFwriter.com

How fortunate I feel to live in Boise, Idaho where the city pretty much recycles everything that is not organic garbage. And that can, of course, go into a compost pile.

The only lights on in my home are those in the room where I actually am.

Tell me what you and your family do to protect our Earth and its precious gifts and resources so we may all may grow and learn. Interestingly, as we cut out extraneous non-green items we wind up increasing our wealth--money-wise and well being wise.

Enjoy this glorious day!

Be well and happy. In the end, nothing else matters.

Back To School: Five Must-Haves

The first day of school, especiallly in a new school, can

be like walking into a horror movie for a child. Feeling

out of place, disconnected, and unsure of himself, he steps

into the unknown, hopefully concealing the terror that grips his insides.


He wonders how he will match up to his peers in

making friends, making the grade in his classes, in extra-

curricular activities, and on the athletic fields.



As a parent, you can assist your chld in moving through

those fears by seeing that he has these five items in place.



1. Self Image



The picture your child has of himself tells him who he can

and cannot be, what he can and cannot do in life.



Whether he is successful or unsuccessful -- in his own

eyes, is a result of whether he sees himself as a success.



Talk with him about his plans for the year. Listen for

clues that he places limitations on what he can and cannot

be and do. Rather than settle for a reply like, "I can't

play sports" ask him if he would like to play sports, or

one sport in particular. If you get a "yes" then suggest

brainstorming ways he can get better at and enjoy that

sport.

Apply the same solution-finding system to any and all areas

he mentions.



2. Self Esteem



Self Esteem is how he feels about himself. Either he feels

good about himself --and makes choices that please him,

regardless of what others thinkor say -- or -- he feels bad

about himself and does whatever he thinks he has to so he

fits in.



A child with high self esteem is not vulnerable to peer

pressure. A child with low self esteem yields to what

others say and follows what they do.



Let your chld know he chooses whether to like himself or

not, to be happy or sad. Offer help in seeing himself and

his life choices. Show him how to view his life from

different perspectives.



The big picture brings awareness to how he makes his life

look exactly as it does. Let him know

he can make different choices and get different results.



3. Confidence



Confidence reflects high self esteem. Regardless of what

happens in life -- even during times of horrendous pain and

suffereing -- if he has high self esteem, your child knows

at some point, all will be well. Well does not mean the old

way comes back. It means the crisis will pass and life

will continue as it needs to.



Does your child act to accompish his goals, even when he

feels fear? Or does he stop and question whether he can

succeed -- then talk himself out trying?



Acknowledge every little thing your child does so he

appreciates his greatness. If your child only hears

praise when he accpmplishes something big, he may feel

worthless unless he creates big things in life. He also may

feel you only value him when he does what you want him to

do.



Tell him you love him rather than what he does. And

support him in doing whatever passion he pursues. Support

means participate, attend events -- go beyond paying for

the necessary physical items and lessons.



4. Responsibility



Does your child make his own choices in life and

acccept responsibility for the outcome? Does he seek

advice and opinions and then rely on himself for his final

decision?



Assist your child in making decisions rather than making

them for him.



5. Contentment



Is your child conent with the choices he makes? Is he

decisive -- making choices quickly and sticking to them.?



Does he also know that events are just events and we give

them meaning?



Show your child he can choose to interpret life events as

good or bad. Teach him to look for the good in every person

and every situation. You will see more smiles and fewer

frowns.





Self image leads to self esteem. Your chld's level of self

esteem determines his degree of confidence. Whether your

child takes responsibility for his life looking as it does

or he seeks to blame others and the world, results from his

level of confidence. Finally, your child, knowing he

controls how his life looks, can choose to live in

contentment.

Second guessing your parenting decisions?

Ever say or do something in disciplining your child then wish you could take it back? Parenting can be stressful at times. Sometimes we just have to guess as to which action is the best one. An then we wonder about our choices.

Join Ali on Wednesday, July 26 for a talk on "My kid didn't come with a how-to manual. What do I do now?"

Register for the call at http://kidswhocan.com/teleseminarschedule.html

If you have specific questions please post them at
kidswhocan.blogspot.com

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

Empowering Parents l Empowering Kids
http://kidswhocan.com

To have something you have never had you must first be someone who can do things you have never done.
Be. Do. Have.

info@kidswhocan.com
856-656-0529

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Nature takes care of everything in exactly the best way for us.

When your kids are small you go through frustrations that leave you thinking, "I will be so glad when they are older and this behavior is behind us."

Then they get older and guess what--new behaviors, more heavy duty ones, replace the previous ones. In fact, as a parent your life may always have times you wonder or feel concern.

Those feelings go with the territory.

Here is what is so magnificent about Nature.
All the bad times, especially the pain (for example the physical pain of giving birth, the all nighters with a sick child--those kinds of things)fade into a blur. All the good times--those memories brighten over time.


As a parent of a teen what I want you to know is to hang in there. The toghest years seem to come when your teen is aged 15 and 16. So stick it out until they reach 17 and life again will flow more smoothly--probably. That is not to say there will not be bleeps and bumps--just that the heavy duty stuff tends to fall away.

Such is Nature's gift to us to ensure we want to enjoy more than one child.

For assistance check out the information and book hereijfind.

Parents: How to Put Balance into Your Life

As parents who are aware you are role models for your kids sometimes you think you have to be super person. Even when your life gets very stressful or you feel overwhelmed--you push yourself to the point of exhaustion--or even worse, to disease and conditions--all because you do not want anyone, most especially your kids, to know you are struggling.

Sometimes you act that way thinking your kids are counting on you to be there and do for them, that their lives will be less than perfect if you "fail" them.

Sometimes you think you are protecting your kids. You get the notion they would be worried or feel less secure if their parent was having some problems that needed to be handled instead of being there 100% for them.

What if your child saw you have needs of your own AND, perhaps more importantly, you are taking care of those needs?

Do you think you might possibly be better able to handle full out parenting again when you have resolved whatever issue was stealing your energy? Afterall, if you are parenting at 56% while 44% of your mind is preoccupied with the "problem," do you see your child's well being may suffer as well as your own?

Part of being a great parent is taking care of yourself so you can continue to be a great parent.

Remember, your child's best teacher...is you!

Teens and Sex -- 5 Must Ask Questions

What I am about to tell you may save the life of your child. In today's world the safety and wellbeing of your teenager depends on his awareness and knowledge of sex.
It is critical that you, as a responsible and loving parent address that issue in detail. Here are some key questions to broach the subject, to let your child know you care and want the best for him.

Recognize he may be reluctant to speak about something so personal with you if you are not accustomed to sharing feelings and intimate topics. You may feel embarrassed bringing up the subject.
Before you do, be sure you can answer these questions for yourself. Also, decide what you are comfortable sharing about your personal experiences and beliefs on the subject of teen sexuality and activity.

* To start, simply ask your teenager, "What kind of questions do you have or what do you want to know more about regarding sex?" You will certainly grab his attention.

* You may want to throw out some information he is unlikely to know, something like, "Do you know that the sex partners you choose can influence your vulnerability to certain types of cancer?"

The object here is to get your child talking-or at least willing to talk. He may tell you he knows everything he needs to know. Where do you go from there?

* Ask, "Do you know that sex is not the same thing as love?" Watch his face for acknowledgement, disagreement, or confusion. Follow up with, "Sex is physical while love is emotional".

Listen to him. Pay attention to what he says and to the words he does not speak. Notice his body language, hear the underlying message, the words between the lines, his tone, word choice and pace. Note his emotions, eye contact, and whether he is at ease or trying to conceal any discomfort.

If you do observe that he is uncomfortable, tell him you noticed and ask if he wants to talk about what is bothering him. Assure him that you are not here to judge him.
Most important, let him know you are having this talk because you love him and no matter what he has done or is thinking about doing, he is safe talking with you. Tell him nothing can change your love for him.

And then go where he takes you. If he chooses to be silent, let him be silent. It is okay to have silence. You do not need to speak. He may be processing.
Give him the time and space he needs to do what he needs to do. He knows you are available when he wants to talk.

Facts are key. If he has unanswered questions, where can he go for accurate information? The streets, his friends, and the media may not be the best place to find what he seeks on the subject of sex.

* Be sure you ask your child, "Do you know that protection is not a 100% guarantee of health, safety or an absolute deterrent to pregnancy?" Be sure he knows the consequences of the actions he may or may not take.

* Follow-up with, "Do you want help or advice in obtaining protection?" That question is especially important for girls who may want to see a gynecologist and may not know how to find a good one who can take care of her needs.

If your teen uses the Internet, know that more than 61,000 searches were done in the month of April on phrases dealing with teen pornography. What pages is your child visiting? Ask. Know that if you impose your will he will go elsewhere to pursue his desires. Build trust with your teenager.

The purpose in having this talk is education. I do not, in any way, shape, or form, advocate teen sex. However, statistics show that youngsters as young as 13 engage in sexual activity. Have the talk now.

When hormones and peer pressure kick in, a wise and educated youngster, who has previously given thought to and made decisions about his actions, has a better chance of living the life he wants than one who has not prepared himself for the inevitable emotions and situations that will come up in life.

Actions and results, desirable and undesirable, reflect self esteem. To change behaviors, treat the cause not just the symptoms.

What is the cost, to you and to him, of not knowing where your teenager stands on sex?

Ali Bierman, parent, psychotherapist and author of the popular ebook, Parents, You Gotta Ask Questions: How To Build Adolescent Self Esteem, poses 14 questions on sex and a total of 189 questions covering nine areas of life.
To find out more and grab your gift, the e-course, Parents, Are You Making These 6 Mistakes with Your Child? click here http://www.saveyourchildnow.com

Communicating With Teens -- 7 Never Fail Secrets

Allow me to paint you a picture. You and your teen talk about issues and rules as they come up. While you have disagreements that you resolve, you never have fights where one person wins and the other loses.
Sound impossible? I raised two kids that way and now I am going to share seven steps to lead you down the same path.

* If you want your child to talk with you, then give him a reason to trust you. Keep his confidence. Ask him if what he tells you is something between the two of you or if it is okay to share it with anyone, including family members. Honor his wishes.

* When you listen, be there 100%. Erase any other thoughts or postpone them until later. Let your mind be free to focus on what your teenager is communicating -- spoken and unspoken.

You can be there, fully at 100%, when you are not listening to that Little Voice in your head tell you about your child or what he is saying. Instead you will actually be listening to the words of your child, his emotions and his complete message! Big difference. Huge impact for both you and for your teen.

You must be free from agendas to be there 100%. You have no idea what your teen is about to tell you nor do you have any idea what he wants in coming to you, so ask.

* Ask how your child wants to be listened to. Does he want an opinion, suggestions, advice, or does he just want to blow off steam? No guessing allowed! When you guess wrong, you frustrate him by going in a direction he does not want to go. He may see his effort to talk with you as a waste of time and decide not to make that mistake again.

* For accurate communication, ask questions -- not intrusive, prying ones, but check-ins to be certain you are hearing the message as your child intended you to hear and interpret it.

Be sure you are hearing what your teen means to say rather than what you want your teen to say or what you think your teen should say. Respond to a thought saying something like, "Is it accurate that you do not like it when X happens?"
If that is correct, he will say yes and if not, then he will state his thought differently. Check again -- you want to understand him.

When your child sees that you are truly available and paying attention he just may feel understood -- at least in that moment. The more moments he feels that way, the more frequently he will talk to you.

* Listen without judgment.

* Listen without expectation. When you have no attachment to what will be said or the outcome of what you hear, then you are free to pay attention to every word and every non-verbal clue.

Take all that information, check for your accurate understanding, then follow through with the request your child made for how he wants you to listen to him.

Your young adult may share things that surprise or scare you. He may do that to see your reaction -- or he may do that because he trusts you enough to be frank and honest. Your challenge is to listen honestly.

If you are surprised, it is okay and, in fact wise, to say so. Note that it is honest to share your feelings about what he said. However, telling him he is wrong or he should have done such and such differently is judging.
You might follow the judgment with a conviction and a sentence. Such actions could cause you to lose the trust that led to his coming to you in the first place. Then you are back to having a teenager who doesn't talk and likes to fight.

Consider that there is more than one way to do things and there is more than one solution to any problem. When your child tells you about something you cannot understand, ask about his thinking that led to that action. Ask as many questions as you need to so you can see his perspective.

Seeing his perspective is not the same as approving or agreeing with it. On the other hand, you may gain a fresh view on whatever the issue is.

*If your child has done something that breaks a law or a rule in your family, address that issue. Brainstorm for solutions together. Empower your teen to be responsible for every action he takes -- or fails to take -- in his life.

Pretending not to notice undesirable behaviors will not make them disappear. Follow the same brainstorming techniques to deal with such instances. You will be surprised how simple it is to create win-win outcomes. I did not say easy. I said simple. Success happens after doing it, doing it, doing it, until it becomes natural. Yes, that task may take effort and seem like work.

Actions and results, desirable and undesirable, reflect self esteem. To change behaviors, treat the cause not just the symptoms.

What are the hidden thoughts of your teen costing him -- and you?

Ali Bierman, parent, psychotherapist and author of the popular ebook, Parents, You Gotta Ask Questions: How To Build Adolescent Self Esteem, will take you by the hand and show you how she raised two great kids with open communication. Click here for your free e-course and to find out more http://www.saveyourchildnow.com