Back To School: Five Must-Haves

The first day of school, especiallly in a new school, can

be like walking into a horror movie for a child. Feeling

out of place, disconnected, and unsure of himself, he steps

into the unknown, hopefully concealing the terror that grips his insides.


He wonders how he will match up to his peers in

making friends, making the grade in his classes, in extra-

curricular activities, and on the athletic fields.



As a parent, you can assist your chld in moving through

those fears by seeing that he has these five items in place.



1. Self Image



The picture your child has of himself tells him who he can

and cannot be, what he can and cannot do in life.



Whether he is successful or unsuccessful -- in his own

eyes, is a result of whether he sees himself as a success.



Talk with him about his plans for the year. Listen for

clues that he places limitations on what he can and cannot

be and do. Rather than settle for a reply like, "I can't

play sports" ask him if he would like to play sports, or

one sport in particular. If you get a "yes" then suggest

brainstorming ways he can get better at and enjoy that

sport.

Apply the same solution-finding system to any and all areas

he mentions.



2. Self Esteem



Self Esteem is how he feels about himself. Either he feels

good about himself --and makes choices that please him,

regardless of what others thinkor say -- or -- he feels bad

about himself and does whatever he thinks he has to so he

fits in.



A child with high self esteem is not vulnerable to peer

pressure. A child with low self esteem yields to what

others say and follows what they do.



Let your chld know he chooses whether to like himself or

not, to be happy or sad. Offer help in seeing himself and

his life choices. Show him how to view his life from

different perspectives.



The big picture brings awareness to how he makes his life

look exactly as it does. Let him know

he can make different choices and get different results.



3. Confidence



Confidence reflects high self esteem. Regardless of what

happens in life -- even during times of horrendous pain and

suffereing -- if he has high self esteem, your child knows

at some point, all will be well. Well does not mean the old

way comes back. It means the crisis will pass and life

will continue as it needs to.



Does your child act to accompish his goals, even when he

feels fear? Or does he stop and question whether he can

succeed -- then talk himself out trying?



Acknowledge every little thing your child does so he

appreciates his greatness. If your child only hears

praise when he accpmplishes something big, he may feel

worthless unless he creates big things in life. He also may

feel you only value him when he does what you want him to

do.



Tell him you love him rather than what he does. And

support him in doing whatever passion he pursues. Support

means participate, attend events -- go beyond paying for

the necessary physical items and lessons.



4. Responsibility



Does your child make his own choices in life and

acccept responsibility for the outcome? Does he seek

advice and opinions and then rely on himself for his final

decision?



Assist your child in making decisions rather than making

them for him.



5. Contentment



Is your child conent with the choices he makes? Is he

decisive -- making choices quickly and sticking to them.?



Does he also know that events are just events and we give

them meaning?



Show your child he can choose to interpret life events as

good or bad. Teach him to look for the good in every person

and every situation. You will see more smiles and fewer

frowns.





Self image leads to self esteem. Your chld's level of self

esteem determines his degree of confidence. Whether your

child takes responsibility for his life looking as it does

or he seeks to blame others and the world, results from his

level of confidence. Finally, your child, knowing he

controls how his life looks, can choose to live in

contentment.