Building Adolescent Self Esteem

Green Living

2008-04-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

Green--may be the biggest buzz word around today. I see two meanings for the word, green:

supporting the ecosystem of Earth thereby keeping more green alive on this planet
wealth derived from sustaining a healthy environment by eliminating waste and recycling all we possibly can

In my own home, I only print out the pages I need and keep everything else as PDF files on my computer. A great free program for converting web pages and other documents into PDF files is downloadable at
http://cutePDFwriter.com

How fortunate I feel to live in Boise, Idaho where the city pretty much recycles everything that is not organic garbage. And that can, of course, go into a compost pile.

The only lights on in my home are those in the room where I actually am.

Tell me what you and your family do to protect our Earth and its precious gifts and resources so we may all may grow and learn. Interestingly, as we cut out extraneous non-green items we wind up increasing our wealth--money-wise and well being wise.

Enjoy this glorious day!

Be well and happy. In the end, nothing else matters.

Back To School: Five Must-Haves

2006-08-19T17:06:00.000-07:00

The first day of school, especiallly in a new school, can

be like walking into a horror movie for a child. Feeling

out of place, disconnected, and unsure of himself, he steps

into the unknown, hopefully concealing the terror that grips his insides.

He wonders how he will match up to his peers in

making friends, making the grade in his classes, in extra-

curricular activities, and on the athletic fields.

As a parent, you can assist your chld in moving through

those fears by seeing that he has these five items in place.

1. Self Image

The picture your child has of himself tells him who he can

and cannot be, what he can and cannot do in life.

Whether he is successful or unsuccessful -- in his own

eyes, is a result of whether he sees himself as a success.

Talk with him about his plans for the year. Listen for

clues that he places limitations on what he can and cannot

be and do. Rather than settle for a reply like, "I can't

play sports" ask him if he would like to play sports, or

one sport in particular. If you get a "yes" then suggest

brainstorming ways he can get better at and enjoy that

sport.

Apply the same solution-finding system to any and all areas

he mentions.

2. Self Esteem

Self Esteem is how he feels about himself. Either he feels

good about himself --and makes choices that please him,

regardless of what others thinkor say -- or -- he feels bad

about himself and does whatever he thinks he has to so he

fits in.

A child with high self esteem is not vulnerable to peer

pressure. A child with low self esteem yields to what

others say and follows what they do.

Let your chld know he chooses whether to like himself or

not, to be happy or sad. Offer help in seeing himself and

his life choices. Show him how to view his life from

different perspectives.

The big picture brings awareness to how he makes his life

look exactly as it does. Let him know

he can make different choices and get different results.

3. Confidence

Confidence reflects high self esteem. Regardless of what

happens in life -- even during times of horrendous pain and

suffereing -- if he has high self esteem, your child knows

at some point, all will be well. Well does not mean the old

way comes back. It means the crisis will pass and life

will continue as it needs to.

Does your child act to accompish his goals, even when he

feels fear? Or does he stop and question whether he can

succeed -- then talk himself out trying?

Acknowledge every little thing your child does so he

appreciates his greatness. If your child only hears

praise when he accpmplishes something big, he may feel

worthless unless he creates big things in life. He also may

feel you only value him when he does what you want him to

do.

Tell him you love him rather than what he does. And

support him in doing whatever passion he pursues. Support

means participate, attend events -- go beyond paying for

the necessary physical items and lessons.

4. Responsibility

Does your child make his own choices in life and

acccept responsibility for the outcome? Does he seek

advice and opinions and then rely on himself for his final

decision?

Assist your child in making decisions rather than making

them for him.

5. Contentment

Is your child conent with the choices he makes? Is he

decisive -- making choices quickly and sticking to them.?

Does he also know that events are just events and we give

them meaning?

Show your child he can choose to interpret life events as

good or bad. Teach him to look for the good in every person

and every situation. You will see more smiles and fewer

frowns.

Self image leads to self esteem. Your chld's level of self

esteem determines his degree of confidence. Whether your

child takes responsibility for his life looking as it does

or he seeks to blame others and the world, results from his

level of confidence. Finally, your child, knowing he

controls how his life looks, can choose to live in

contentment.

Second guessing your parenting decisions?

2006-07-25T00:45:00.000-07:00

Ever say or do something in disciplining your child then wish you could take it back? Parenting can be stressful at times. Sometimes we just have to guess as to which action is the best one. An then we wonder about our choices.

Join Ali on Wednesday, July 26 for a talk on "My kid didn't come with a how-to manual. What do I do now?"

If you have specific questions please post them at
kidswhocan.blogspot.com

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

Empowering Parents l Empowering Kids
http://kidswhocan.com

To have something you have never had you must first be someone who can do things you have never done.
Be. Do. Have.

info@kidswhocan.com
856-656-0529

We Are At Once Teacher and Student Productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692
Culpeper, VA 22701

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
http://www.weareatonceteacherandstudent.com/cgi-bin/arp3/arp3-un.pl?c=1716&p=2062

Nature takes care of everything in exactly the best way for us.

2006-07-20T17:06:00.000-07:00

When your kids are small you go through frustrations that leave you thinking, "I will be so glad when they are older and this behavior is behind us."

Then they get older and guess what--new behaviors, more heavy duty ones, replace the previous ones. In fact, as a parent your life may always have times you wonder or feel concern.

Those feelings go with the territory.

Here is what is so magnificent about Nature.
All the bad times, especially the pain (for example the physical pain of giving birth, the all nighters with a sick child--those kinds of things)fade into a blur. All the good times--those memories brighten over time.

As a parent of a teen what I want you to know is to hang in there. The toghest years seem to come when your teen is aged 15 and 16. So stick it out until they reach 17 and life again will flow more smoothly--probably. That is not to say there will not be bleeps and bumps--just that the heavy duty stuff tends to fall away.

Such is Nature's gift to us to ensure we want to enjoy more than one child.

For assistance check out the information and book hereijfind.

Parents: How to Put Balance into Your Life

2006-07-20T17:00:00.000-07:00

As parents who are aware you are role models for your kids sometimes you think you have to be super person. Even when your life gets very stressful or you feel overwhelmed--you push yourself to the point of exhaustion--or even worse, to disease and conditions--all because you do not want anyone, most especially your kids, to know you are struggling.

Sometimes you act that way thinking your kids are counting on you to be there and do for them, that their lives will be less than perfect if you "fail" them.

Sometimes you think you are protecting your kids. You get the notion they would be worried or feel less secure if their parent was having some problems that needed to be handled instead of being there 100% for them.

What if your child saw you have needs of your own AND, perhaps more importantly, you are taking care of those needs?

Do you think you might possibly be better able to handle full out parenting again when you have resolved whatever issue was stealing your energy? Afterall, if you are parenting at 56% while 44% of your mind is preoccupied with the "problem," do you see your child's well being may suffer as well as your own?

Part of being a great parent is taking care of yourself so you can continue to be a great parent.

Remember, your child's best teacher...is you!

Teens and Sex -- 5 Must Ask Questions

2006-06-09T14:10:00.000-07:00

What I am about to tell you may save the life of your child. In today's world the safety and wellbeing of your teenager depends on his awareness and knowledge of sex.
It is critical that you, as a responsible and loving parent address that issue in detail. Here are some key questions to broach the subject, to let your child know you care and want the best for him.

Recognize he may be reluctant to speak about something so personal with you if you are not accustomed to sharing feelings and intimate topics. You may feel embarrassed bringing up the subject.
Before you do, be sure you can answer these questions for yourself. Also, decide what you are comfortable sharing about your personal experiences and beliefs on the subject of teen sexuality and activity.

* To start, simply ask your teenager, "What kind of questions do you have or what do you want to know more about regarding sex?" You will certainly grab his attention.

* You may want to throw out some information he is unlikely to know, something like, "Do you know that the sex partners you choose can influence your vulnerability to certain types of cancer?"

The object here is to get your child talking-or at least willing to talk. He may tell you he knows everything he needs to know. Where do you go from there?

* Ask, "Do you know that sex is not the same thing as love?" Watch his face for acknowledgement, disagreement, or confusion. Follow up with, "Sex is physical while love is emotional".

Listen to him. Pay attention to what he says and to the words he does not speak. Notice his body language, hear the underlying message, the words between the lines, his tone, word choice and pace. Note his emotions, eye contact, and whether he is at ease or trying to conceal any discomfort.

If you do observe that he is uncomfortable, tell him you noticed and ask if he wants to talk about what is bothering him. Assure him that you are not here to judge him.
Most important, let him know you are having this talk because you love him and no matter what he has done or is thinking about doing, he is safe talking with you. Tell him nothing can change your love for him.

And then go where he takes you. If he chooses to be silent, let him be silent. It is okay to have silence. You do not need to speak. He may be processing.
Give him the time and space he needs to do what he needs to do. He knows you are available when he wants to talk.

Facts are key. If he has unanswered questions, where can he go for accurate information? The streets, his friends, and the media may not be the best place to find what he seeks on the subject of sex.

* Be sure you ask your child, "Do you know that protection is not a 100% guarantee of health, safety or an absolute deterrent to pregnancy?" Be sure he knows the consequences of the actions he may or may not take.

* Follow-up with, "Do you want help or advice in obtaining protection?" That question is especially important for girls who may want to see a gynecologist and may not know how to find a good one who can take care of her needs.

If your teen uses the Internet, know that more than 61,000 searches were done in the month of April on phrases dealing with teen pornography. What pages is your child visiting? Ask. Know that if you impose your will he will go elsewhere to pursue his desires. Build trust with your teenager.

The purpose in having this talk is education. I do not, in any way, shape, or form, advocate teen sex. However, statistics show that youngsters as young as 13 engage in sexual activity. Have the talk now.

When hormones and peer pressure kick in, a wise and educated youngster, who has previously given thought to and made decisions about his actions, has a better chance of living the life he wants than one who has not prepared himself for the inevitable emotions and situations that will come up in life.

Actions and results, desirable and undesirable, reflect self esteem. To change behaviors, treat the cause not just the symptoms.

What is the cost, to you and to him, of not knowing where your teenager stands on sex?

Ali Bierman, parent, psychotherapist and author of the popular ebook, Parents, You Gotta Ask Questions: How To Build Adolescent Self Esteem, poses 14 questions on sex and a total of 189 questions covering nine areas of life.
To find out more and grab your gift, the e-course, Parents, Are You Making These 6 Mistakes with Your Child? click here http://www.saveyourchildnow.com

Communicating With Teens -- 7 Never Fail Secrets

2006-06-09T14:04:00.000-07:00

Allow me to paint you a picture. You and your teen talk about issues and rules as they come up. While you have disagreements that you resolve, you never have fights where one person wins and the other loses.
Sound impossible? I raised two kids that way and now I am going to share seven steps to lead you down the same path.

* If you want your child to talk with you, then give him a reason to trust you. Keep his confidence. Ask him if what he tells you is something between the two of you or if it is okay to share it with anyone, including family members. Honor his wishes.

* When you listen, be there 100%. Erase any other thoughts or postpone them until later. Let your mind be free to focus on what your teenager is communicating -- spoken and unspoken.

You can be there, fully at 100%, when you are not listening to that Little Voice in your head tell you about your child or what he is saying. Instead you will actually be listening to the words of your child, his emotions and his complete message! Big difference. Huge impact for both you and for your teen.

You must be free from agendas to be there 100%. You have no idea what your teen is about to tell you nor do you have any idea what he wants in coming to you, so ask.

* Ask how your child wants to be listened to. Does he want an opinion, suggestions, advice, or does he just want to blow off steam? No guessing allowed! When you guess wrong, you frustrate him by going in a direction he does not want to go. He may see his effort to talk with you as a waste of time and decide not to make that mistake again.

* For accurate communication, ask questions -- not intrusive, prying ones, but check-ins to be certain you are hearing the message as your child intended you to hear and interpret it.

Be sure you are hearing what your teen means to say rather than what you want your teen to say or what you think your teen should say. Respond to a thought saying something like, "Is it accurate that you do not like it when X happens?"
If that is correct, he will say yes and if not, then he will state his thought differently. Check again -- you want to understand him.

When your child sees that you are truly available and paying attention he just may feel understood -- at least in that moment. The more moments he feels that way, the more frequently he will talk to you.

* Listen without judgment.

* Listen without expectation. When you have no attachment to what will be said or the outcome of what you hear, then you are free to pay attention to every word and every non-verbal clue.

Take all that information, check for your accurate understanding, then follow through with the request your child made for how he wants you to listen to him.

Your young adult may share things that surprise or scare you. He may do that to see your reaction -- or he may do that because he trusts you enough to be frank and honest. Your challenge is to listen honestly.

If you are surprised, it is okay and, in fact wise, to say so. Note that it is honest to share your feelings about what he said. However, telling him he is wrong or he should have done such and such differently is judging.
You might follow the judgment with a conviction and a sentence. Such actions could cause you to lose the trust that led to his coming to you in the first place. Then you are back to having a teenager who doesn't talk and likes to fight.

Consider that there is more than one way to do things and there is more than one solution to any problem. When your child tells you about something you cannot understand, ask about his thinking that led to that action. Ask as many questions as you need to so you can see his perspective.

Seeing his perspective is not the same as approving or agreeing with it. On the other hand, you may gain a fresh view on whatever the issue is.

*If your child has done something that breaks a law or a rule in your family, address that issue. Brainstorm for solutions together. Empower your teen to be responsible for every action he takes -- or fails to take -- in his life.

Pretending not to notice undesirable behaviors will not make them disappear. Follow the same brainstorming techniques to deal with such instances. You will be surprised how simple it is to create win-win outcomes. I did not say easy. I said simple. Success happens after doing it, doing it, doing it, until it becomes natural. Yes, that task may take effort and seem like work.

Actions and results, desirable and undesirable, reflect self esteem. To change behaviors, treat the cause not just the symptoms.

What are the hidden thoughts of your teen costing him -- and you?

Ali Bierman, parent, psychotherapist and author of the popular ebook, Parents, You Gotta Ask Questions: How To Build Adolescent Self Esteem, will take you by the hand and show you how she raised two great kids with open communication. Click here for your free e-course and to find out more http://www.saveyourchildnow.com

Teens and Drugs -- 7 Must Ask QuestionsThe following questions may save the life of your teenager. These seven critical questions will get him talkin

2006-06-09T14:01:00.000-07:00

The following questions may save the life of your teenager. These seven critical questions will get him talking about his experience and knowledge of drugs. I suggest you have the resources in place to provide the solutions and answers you may need.

* To start, simply ask your child, “Do you know that most people get high on drugs to escape feeling bad? Sometimes they feel really great for a while. Then they come down and the same problems are still there, only now some of those people, even after just one experience, have new problems caused by that one-time drug use.”
You will certainly grab his attention.

* Continue, “What kind of questions do you have, or what do you want to know more about, regarding drugs?”
The object here is to get your child talking—or at least willing to talk. He may tell you he knows everything he needs to know. Where do you go from there?

* Be blunt! Come right out and ask, ”Are you now using, or have you ever used, drugs?”

If you observe that he is uncomfortable tell him you noticed his discomfort and ask what is bothering him. If your child is experimenting with drugs, you need to know the details to help him.
* Continue, “If you needed it, do you know where to find help?”

Listen to him -- pay attention to what he says and to the words he does not speak. Notice his body language, hear the underlying message, the words between the lines, his tone, word choice, and pace. Note his emotions, eye contact, and whether he is at ease or trying to conceal any discomfort.

Teens know drugs are dangerous. Some kids use them anyway. Let your child know you are not here to judge him. Live that truth to gain and maintain his trust. You can only help him if he is honest with you.

Most importantly, let him know you are having this talk because you love him and no matter what he has done, or is thinking about doing, he is safe talking with you. Tell him nothing can change your love for him.

* Once you have opened the lines of communication, go on to ask, “Do you know that alcohol, cigarettes and over-the-counter medicines can be as dangerous as illegal drugs? Or that beer and wine pack the same wallop as hard liquor?"
Watch his face and body for acknowledgement, disagreement, or confusion.

* Follow up with, ”Even sniffing markers changes the brain. Are you aware that years after they stopped using drugs, some people experience a recurrence of symptoms?”

* Ask your child, “Have you ever been in a car with someone who is high on drugs or alcohol? Were they driving?” Regardless of his response ask, “What did you do, or what would you do, in that situation?”

Knowledge is always the best way to live a happy, healthy and successful life. Facts are key. If he has unanswered questions, where can he go for accurate information? The streets, his friends, and the media may not be the best place to find what he seeks on the subject of drugs.

* Since drug use is often connected to sex, throw in, “Do you know that alcohol, rather than improving sexual performance, impairs it? And drinking often leads to careless sex and teen pregnancy?” Be sure he knows the consequences of the actions he may or may not take.

Drug abuse happens in all kinds of families and all kinds of neighborhoods. If your child wants drugs, he will find them. Know the signs to look for and -- please -- do pay attention!

When peer pressure kicks in, a wise and educated youngster who has previously given thought to and made decisions about his actions, has a better chance of living the life he chooses than someone who has not prepared himself for the situations that will come up in life.

Actions and results, desirable and undesirable, reflect self esteem. To change behaviors, treat the cause not just the symptom.

In some people, addiction and bad reactions, even death, can happen with the very first use. Do you want your kid to take that chance?

Ali Bierman, parent, psychotherapist and author of the popular ebook, Parents, You Gotta Ask Questions: How To Build Adolescent Self Esteem, poses 189 questions for you and your teen covering nine areas of life.
To find out more and grab your gift, the e-course, Parents, Are You Making These 6 Mistakes With Your Teen? click here http://www.saveyourchildnow.com

Before It's Too Late

2006-05-22T12:50:00.000-07:00

HI,
It is time to register for Ali's
monthly teleseminar
on Wednesday, May 24, 2006.

This month Ali will address
Before It's Too Late:
What every parent needs to know

As always, what you do not know
you do not know hurts you, your child,
and your parent-child relationship.

Visit http://kidswhocan.com/teleseminarschedule.html
to get the details.

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

KidsWhoCan.com
Empowering Parents | Empowering Kids

We Are At Once Teacher and Student productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692
Culpeper, VA 22701
856-656-0529
info@kidswhocan.com

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
http://www.weareatonceteacherandstudent.com/cgi-bin/arp3/arp3-un.pl?c=1716&p=2062

Personal Communication

2006-04-22T18:42:00.000-07:00

I wondered at the little girl, maybe nine years old, walking to the schoolbus stop in the morning talking on her cell phone. Have you ever been in a car or worse, at a restaurant--and every person was talking to someone on his and her cellphone rather than with the people in whose company they actually were at the time?

If each child has his or her computer in his or her own room how can a family interact as a family? Do family members ever talk with one another these days? Do they enjoy each other's company? Do they do fun things together? Or are they like ships passing at sea, waving as they each go their separate ways?

Do you wonder why the mother of one teenager (surely she is not the only one) spys on her child by reading her child's blog? Big Brother--I mean Big Mother--is watching! Thank goodness she is.

Do you know that big corporations are launching ads to caution teens, especially teenage girls, about who may be lurking or posing to be someone else in places like MySpace.com ? Why are teens needing to go online to find friends? Or someone to talk to?

How do you protect your children when there is no open communication bewteen you and them? The cost of being sophisticated seems to come at the high price of the disintegrating family.

Communication is one of the units in my 12 week mentoring program. To learn how to talk so your child will listen and to listen so your child will talk, among other things every parent wants to know, visit www.kidswhocan.com/mentoring.html
and schedule an interview for the program.

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

KidsWhoCan.com
Empowering Parents | Empowering Kids

We Are At Once Teacher and Student Productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692
Culpeper, VA 22701
856-656-0529
info@kidswhocan.com

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
http://www.weareatonceteacherandstudent.com/cgi-bin/arp3/arp3-un.pl?c=1716&p=2062

High School Kids and College--Don't Wait

2006-04-22T17:33:00.000-07:00

Hi,

Will your child graduate from high school in the next four years?

On Wednesday, April 26, Ali will reveal some shocking truths about today's teens and some facts you may not know about getting into college.

Want to be part of it?

Go here for details:
www.kidswhocan.com/teleseminarschedule.html

It is what you don't know you don't know that hurts you every time.

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

KidsWhoCan.com
Empowering Parents | Empowering Kids

We Are At Once Teacher and Student productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692
Culpeper, VA 22701
856-656-0529
info@kidswhocan.com

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
http://www.weareatonceteacherandstudent.com/cgi-bin/arp3/arp3-un.pl?c=1716&p=2062

Personal Interactions

2006-04-22T16:29:00.000-07:00

I recently had a literary agent tell me that putting notes in kids' lunches is not sophisticated enough for today's kids. And I wondered...how could anyone not feel good about getting a note at any time--a note just for him or her, that says, basically, "I am thinking about you because I love you."

I wondered at the little girl, maybe nine years old, walking to the schoolbus stop in the morning talking on her cell phone. Have you ever been in a car or worse, at a restaurant--and every person was talking to someone on his and her cellphone rather than with the people in whose company they actually were at the time?

If each child has his or her computer in her own room how can a family interact as a family? Do family members ever talk with one another these days? Do the enjoy each others'company? Do they do fun things together? Or are they like ships passing at sea, waving as they each go their separate ways?

Do you wonder why the mother of one teenager (surely she is not the only one) spys on her child by reading her child's blog? Big Brother--I mean Big Mother--is watching! Thank goodness she is.

Do you know that big corporations are launching ads to caution teens, especially teenage girls, about who may be lurking or posing to be someone else in places like MySpace.com

How do you protect your children when there is no open communication bewteen you and them? The cost of being sophisticated seems to come at the high price of the disintegrating family.

teleseminar

2006-03-16T21:15:00.000-08:00

Hi Parents and Everyone Who Does Anything With Children,
It is that time of the month again for Ali's teleseminar. This month she continues to address mistakes from her ebook, Parents, Are You Making These 17 Mistakes With Your Child.

Ask Ali your most burning question at http://doiop.com/kidswhocan

And be sure to enter this month's Recipes for Living Contest by submitting your Recipe For Instant Fun for those unexpected delays where you find yourself needing to occupy your kids and keep everyone happy. You may win a copy of her 17 Mistakes book by sharing your fun idea at http://doiop.com/liferecipes

You may have noticed that my company name is now Kids Who Can. If you see that addressknow theemail is coming from me.

Meet you on the call Wednesday night!

Enjoy your weekend!

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

Kids Who Can!
Empowering Parents | Empowering Kids

856-656-0529
info@kidswhocan.com

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
http://www.weareatonceteacherandstudent.com/cgi-bin/arp3/arp3-un.pl?c=1716&p=2062

Your Child's Best Teacher...Is You!

2006-03-03T03:40:00.000-08:00

Your Most Important Job

As parents you expend a lot of time and energy choosing the best school, safest bike, most valuable educational games, most qualified soccer coach and ballet teacher. The list goes on and on.

Yet the most important task of all--the one that determines your child's happiness and success in life--the task of creating your child's self-image--that job you do unconsciously.

Self image is created by how you treat your child during the early years--what you do and do not say, what you do and do not do. Every little interaction you have with your child, every reaction, every response--or the lack thereof--sends a message to your child telling him what you think of him and who s/he is for you.

Self image determines self esteem which affects the success your child will achieve in all areas of life throughout his or her life! You can choose to take that sacred task to heart and ensure that the self image you instill through your behaviors is a positive one resulting in "Kids Who Can."

How do you create your child's self image on a conscious level? Realize that the words you speak directly to your child AND the words your child hears spoken about him or her go directly into his or her subconscious mind creating programs that become his or her reality.

If you make a joke about your toddler's clumsy walk, your child's subconscious mind creates a program that says, "I am clumsy." That order will then be carried out across your child's life and s/he will be clumsy.

Your child has no way to screen out negative messages, looks, feelings etc. s/he picks up from you and others in his or her early environment. Simply be aware of what you say and do and even of how you look at and think about your child. You do not have to say a word for your kid to know what is going on inside you.

Live your life with that awareness. And most important of all, hug your kid at least four times every single day and say the words, "I love you." every single day--the more often the better.

Tell your child you love and treasure him or her simply because s/he exists and you are grateful to be his or her parent. Afterall, you really are, aren't you?

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
http://www.weareatonceteacherandstudent.com/cgi-bin/arp3/arp3-un.pl?c=1716&p=2062

Simplicity

2006-02-23T01:39:00.000-08:00

Today's children lead stressful lives. There is so much to do, so many places to be, so many roles to play. Parents have to be expert time managers.
LIttle kids are bombarded with cell phones and iPods, computers and electronic games. Over the holiday season I met a dad who said he told his two year old to choose a handful of toys she would actually play with so they could give the rest away to needy kids.

Kids and adults alike get so preoccupied with things they forget to connect to people as people. For some families sitting down to watch a movie is considered doing something together. It is--if you talk about the movie afterward.

Notice the many ways you and your child have interference and walls to prevent your simply talking with one another:the electronic games, radios, ipods (that keep you from hearing what your child is listening to.

What ever happened to talking and playing gamaes that are free from electronics and gadgets. Does anyone ever gather around the piano or pull out the guitars and sing together any more?
My famikly did that when I was small and the family I raised did too. Makes for lots of smiles, hugs and just plain enjoyment of one another.
Something to think about. Children grow up so fast--in the blink of an eye they are out the door! Create memories you will treasure forever.

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

Revealing the secrets to raising "Kids Who Can"--can be, do and be anything they want to life in life.

http://www.KidsWhoCan.com
http://doiop.com/kidswhocan

We Are At Once Teacher And Student Productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692

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All About Kids Teleseminar

2006-02-17T16:38:00.000-08:00

Ask Ali your most burning question at http://doiop.com/kidswhocan

And be sure to enter this month's Recipes for Living Contest by submitting your Recipe For Fun for your family activity on roadtrips. You may win a copy of her 17 Mistakes book by sharing your fun idea at http://doiop.com/liferecipes

Meet you on the call Wednesday night!

Enjoy your weekend!

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

Revealing the secrets to raising "Kids Who Can"

We Are At once Teacher And Student Productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692
Culpeper, VA 22701

856-656-0529
info@kidswhocan.com

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
http://www.weareatonceteacherandstudent.com/cgi-bin/arp3/arp3-un.pl?c=1716&p=2062

Low Self Esteem Has Many Faces

2006-02-16T00:39:00.000-08:00

The Many Faces Of Low Self Esteem

A common mistake parents make is thinking that a high achiever is a person with high self esteem. Guess what—high self esteem is not about what you do or what you achieve. High self esteem happens when someone knows, with every cell of his being and every ether of his spirit, that in every moment of every day, no matter what is going on in his life, he knows he is fine.
Someone with high self esteem knows that the most horrendous event will be handled. There may be unfathomable pain in the processand all will be well at some point in time. The reason people survive and bounce back is they have high self esteem. The strength that carries him through the challenges is high self esteem. That he is able to view problems as opportunities to grow is high self esteem.
Parents tend to be concerned when their child is withdrawn, sad or even depressed, when he seems to lack enthusiasm for life. Yes, all those behaviors may also be symptoms of low self esteem. And realize they may be symptoms of physical issues too, completely unrelated to the cause of the child’s outward moods. When a child is out there smiling and being almost bigger than life maybe he is in a great space with high self esteem. And maybe it is all a show. Maybe it is all an act to protect himselfor you, his parent. Just maybe he is afraid to let you down because he doesn’t know he will be loved if he is not the “star” and the “best” at everything he does.
It is funny when you stop and notice that psychologists explain away “bad” behaviors as calls for help, attempts to get attention. They may even suggest that refusing to give the child the desired attention is the solution to that problem. I am talking about a kid who is so desperate for love (in the guise of punishment) he is willing to act in ways he knows are undesirablejust to know someone cares enough to stop him.
Unfortunately parents stop the behavior because they are embarrassed or feel disempowered by an unruly child rather than to help the child gain acceptance. Does anyone like a child who “breaks the rules” and behaves in ways that take attention from others? Do “troublemakers” have any friends?
What about those super star kids? Their good behavior just may be a call for attention too. For them, the action and award or achievement gets is noticed and praised rather than the child who pure and simple, is lovable for doing nothing other than exist.
Think a moment. How does your child ask for your attention? In what form do you give it to him? Hugging and "I love you just because you are you." work really well.

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

Revealing the secrets to raising "Kids Who Can"--can be, do and be anything they want to life in life.

http://www.KidsWhoCan.com
http://doiop.com/kidswhocan

We Are At Once Teacher And Student Productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692
Culpeper, VA 22701
856-656-0529
info@kidswhocan.com

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
http://www.weareatonceteacherandstudent.com/cgi-bin/arp3/arp3-un.pl?c=1716&p=2062

Your Child's Best Teacher...Is You

2006-02-09T00:39:00.000-08:00

Parenting Can Feel Scary

Your child looks to you to meet his or her every need? How do you know what to do?

Hey, you are the adult. Guess. Only act confident so you will at least convince yourself you know what you are doing. And guess what, when you act as if you know what you are doing you will gain confidence in how and what you are doing and everyone will be fine.

Will all be Donna Reed perfect? No. Was the Donna Reed show real? Do people live perfect lives? How boring would life be if everyone and everything went according to our wishes and dreams? Where would the challenge be? How about the surprises that make life interesting and even exciting?

The good news is you do not have to be perfect. Children are flexible and resilient. Yeah, they really are. They will survive no matter what you do or do not do in your parenting learning experience.

Just take responsibility for the choices you make.
Will you always make the right choices? In the big picture, yes, you will always make the right choices. At first some of your choices may appear to be far from optimal. Everything is always perfect in the Universe. You do not have to understand how or why things work. You CHOOSE to trust.

As a role model, realize the valuable lesson you teach your child when you make a choice, act on that choice and trust your choice to be the best in the situation. Congratulations on being bold! Feel the fear and take action anyway!

Now that's effective parenting!

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

Revealing the secrets to raising "Kids Who Can"--can be, do and be anything they want to life in life.

http://www.KidsWhoCan.com
http://doiop.com/kidswhocan

We Are At Once Teacher And Student Productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692
Culpeper, VA 22701
856-656-0529
info@kidswhocan.com

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
http://www.weareatonceteacherandstudent.com/cgi-bin/arp3/arp3-un.pl?c=1716&p=2062

Your Child's Best Teacher...Is You

2006-02-02T01:12:00.000-08:00

Being a parent is like guessing what is behind door number two..You get what you get and you make the most of it by loving and caring and taking care of your precious bundle.

The closer you come to unconditional love the easier it becomes to make it through the moments, the days, weeks, months and years of raising your family. You see, unconditional love means exactly that—you love your child no matter what: no matter who he is, no matter who he is not; no matter what he does, no matter what he fails to do; no matter what he says, no matter what he fails to say and so on.

There is no loving him when he fulfills your picture of how he should be and withdrawing that love to any degree when he is different from your expectations. Accepting your child exactly as he is at all times—that is the only unconditional love there is.

Here is the big secret to parenting: love is ALWAYS unconditional. Love is given freely because you want to give it and for no other reason.

Well, so how does one come to a place of unconditional love? There is no how-to here. There is no thinking about it. You do not work at it. To love—you just do it.

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

We Are At Once Teacher And Student Productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692
Culpeper, VA 22701

856-656-0529
info@weareatonceteacherandstudent.com

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
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Your Child's Best Teacher...Is You

2006-01-25T22:39:00.000-08:00

What Happened To Childhood

I raised two great kids while living in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. They had the advantages of museums, athletic and art programs of all kinds--you name it. Kids there need date books--or parents who keep date books for them. In the Washington, D.C. area there are more psychotherapists per capita than any place else. Are you wondering why?

If you happen to be sensitive to energy you can feel the frenetic energy of the space as soon as you come near the suburbs of our nation's capital. The pressure for kids to do well is superceded only by the pressure for them to do many things well! Even the sports are organzied. You cannot get together a pick-up game of soccer or baseball at the local school because organized leagues have the fields reserved for their teams’ practices and games!

I know of people who set their two-year olds in front of computers because the pre-schools will not take children unless they are computer literate. Good thing that is not a requirement for adults to get into college. And what is it about fancy prep schools that are pre-kindergarten? Some parents actually believe their kids won’t get into Harvard if they go to the “wrong” pre-school.

What ever happened to childhood? What ever happened to just plain fun? Where have all the Radio Flyers gone? (The little red wagons.) And generic swing sets for swinging higher and higher and higher or spinning tightly then unwinding really fast? Do kids today ever get a chance to just hang out and relax, free from the fear they are being graded for their performance?

Take a look at entertainment for kids. The images of the youthful stars, the rock stars who are just too young to know what they are singing about. What is the point of youth if not to enjoy it? The little kids in my neighborhood drive their little motor-driven cars and ride motorized scooters. My small town has a coffee house for teens! Actually it is a place where teens can hang out at night and be safe. Why does it have to be a coffee house? What is the rush to be grown up and do like the grown-ups do?

We spend most of our lifetime as adults. Let's support our kids in just enjoying life for the fun of it! Play is an essential ingredient to mental and physical health. In fact, play is good for kids of all ages!

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

We Are At Once Teacher And Student Productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692
Culpeper, VA 22701

856-656-0529
info@weareatonceteacherandstudent.com

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
http://www.weareatonceteacherandstudent.com/cgi-bin/arp3/arp3-un.pl?c=1716&p=2062

Your Child's Best Teacher...Is You

2006-01-21T21:40:00.000-08:00

Your child’s best teacher…is you!

If you’re a parent you are a role model. Whether you want to be or not, whether you think you know what you are doing or not—whether you relinquish that responsibility or not you are the role model for your kid and he will do exactly as you do or the exact opposite of what you do. You can choose to take charge of how and what you are teaching your child.

Have you ever heard yourself say, ”He never does what I say.” Well, that is because he does what you do not what you say. How about this one, “How can he be so much like his uncle when they rarely see one another?”

Consider that you treat people certain ways based upon past interactions or what you deem to be the expected behavior in the moment. You may not even be aware you do this. May not? You definitely are not aware or you would be living consciously making conscious choices!

The way you treat people is what determines their interpretations of who you are. They interact with you in a way they deem appropriate—which is likely to be different from how they interact with Joe Shmoe.

I believe my son is so much like my brother, despite their infrequent interactions, because as a kid I (unconsciously) observed how my mom interacted with my brother. I bet if someone could record and describe my interactions with my son and my mom’s interactions with my brother during his youth—I bet they would be very very similar. Yet, on the surface, I am not like my mom. Our parenting styles are quite opposite one another.

You either do what your parents do or you do the exact opposite.

What if you could KNOW what you are doing? Do you think that information would make a difference in your life and the life of your family? You can. I can show you what you ARE doing and what you COULD BE doing instead.

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

We Are At Once Teacher And Student Productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692
Culpeper, VA 22701

856-656-0529
info@weareatonceteacherandstudent.com

Being In Service,
Ali Bierman

We Are At Once Teacher And Student Productions, LLC
P.O. Box 1692
Culpeper, VA 22701

856-656-0529
info@weareatonceteacherandstudent.com

If you wish to cancel your subscription, simply click once on the link below.
http://www.weareatonceteacherandstudent.com/cgi-bin/arp3/arp3-un.pl?c=1716&p=2062

Your Child's World

2006-01-14T17:05:00.000-08:00

Are you a mind reader? Do you know what goes on in your child's world? More than likely you make assumptions. In fact, you make assumptions about everything your child does, right? You make up motives for his actions and for his lack of action. And you are guessing.
Do you know you can ask your child what he is feeling and thinking? You can ask your child what he feels and thinks about things and people and events.
What if you actually knew what it is like to live in the world as your child?
Well, you cannot live exactly as your child does. However, you can get a good idea of what it is like for him. Do you think having such a connection may help to build your child's self esteem?
While you are at it--share how it is living in the world as you. Children often fail to realize parents are people.

What You Can DO

2005-12-05T14:29:00.000-08:00

Building Adolescent Self Esteemis essential in today's high pressured world. Kids have more stress than we did--if you cn imagine that. Sometimes it feels like you do not know what to do.

One thing you can always do is ask your child, "What can I do to make your life easier today?" Maybe they need an extra hug or an extra "I love you." Maybe they need a ride to the library or to a friend's house.

All day long people tell them what to do. All day long their stress levels rise.

You don't know what will help your child's day be easier unless you ask.
If this is a new behavior for you then your child may look at you funny or wonder what is wrong with you. Do it anyway. Make it a new habit. You and your teen will be glad you did.

What Is Love

2005-11-20T13:14:00.000-08:00

Everyone needs to know he is loved, most especially your teen. He wants to know. above else, that YOU love him. And not because of anything he does but simplty because he exists.

Your child is not a mind reader. You want to tell him, "I love you!" every single day--actually, many times every single day. No one can hear that phrase too may times so long as it is genuinely spoken. Your kid will know whether or not you mean it.

To let you know, each of us has our own definition of love. Maybe for your child, love is eating the breads you baked for him--his favorite kinds. And maybe it is spending time, 1:1 right after school so he can unload the stress and sahre the excitmeent of the day.

Ask your teenager what makes him feel and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you love him. Guessing may lead you to thinking you are doing everything you possibly can for an ungrateful child who accepts what you do but feels unloved, not cared about at all.

How sad it is that this world is filled with people who are cherished but simply because they are not shown love according to thier definition of love think they must be unlovable.

What is love to you? What actions does a person need to do for you to know you are loved? Tell your partner, your family and your friends. There is no such thing as, "If they really loved me they would know." People are not mind readers. We assume what makes us feel good also makes others feel good. Not so.

Instead of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you how about doing unto others as they would do onto to you. In other words, show them love they interpret as love.

Conscious Living Changes Everything

2005-11-14T17:16:00.000-08:00

You are your child’s role model—whether you know it or not, whether you want to be or not. Your child does what you do rather than what you say⎯or the exact opposite just to be different from you. Your young person acts without an awareness of how or why he does as he does.

Do you think knowing how you live your life, since you influence your child's life, could be powerful information to have? You can by living consciously.

Most people go through life accepting what comes their way. They believe that life just happens. John Lennon spoke for many people with his lyric, "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." Mighty disempowering thought.

The thing is, life is what you create it to be. Your belief system can be changed if you want to change it. The way to change your beliefs is to change your daily living patterns, i.e., your life style.

Creating happiness does not involve a "how-to" system as much as it involves a "wake up and live" a conscious life style. Everything that exists in the world starts as thought. Every invention was first an idea in someone's imagination. Every action you take or fail to take was first something you thought about.

Thought creates the world. Thought creates your world. Thought creates your child’s world. What you think about events determines how you respond to events. How your child interprets events determines how he responds to them.

Imagine how differently you would experience each day with the knowledge you have control over how you respond to life events. Do you think your child would be empowered by knowing he is in control of a world where he thinks he is helpless?

What happens happens. Interestingly, in Japan there is one word that means both crisis and opportunity. The same event is a disaster to one person and an opportunity to another.

How you choose to act or not act is up to you. Period. Life was never meant to be difficult. People, with their thoughts, make it hard or easy.

How do you see life? Do you know that struggle is optional? What are you teaching your youngster about experiencing life?

Pay attention to your thoughts. Stop and ask yourself what you were thinking when you experienced a certain emotion or reacted a certain way. You will uncover your unconscious way of life. The next time you experience the same kind of event make a conscious choice to act differently. Teach your child to do the same.

Ah! That is how simple it is to be in control and live on purpose. Life does not simply happen to us. Life happens to us exactly as we choose to experience it. Share the gift of that knowledge with your child.

Live in the truth that life is an adventure to be savored in every moment!

Nuclear Families

2005-11-08T15:34:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time families included grandparents and aunts and uncles—you know extended familes. The concept of the nuclear family of mom, dad and the kids is relatively new.

With this modernization of the family picture came loss—of companionship, know-how from people who had already raised kids, a listening ear and smiling face, someone to hug the young parent when the work just gets overwhelming. Heck, just being able to step out of the house for a few minutes knowing your child is not alone inside—all of that got lost when families shrank to parents and their children.

And so life became even more challenging. Parenting experts sprang up in the form of medical experts, like Dr. Spock—people who never had kids giving advice to mothers and fathers! Come on!! Does that make any sense at all? Can there really be a way to raise kids that is one size fits all? I don’t know. What do you think?

Celebrate Differences

2005-11-02T15:30:00.000-08:00

I guarantee that all kids need hugs and love and being told how great they are and how much they are cherished just because they exist. Beyond those basics I would say, based on my own experience, do what fits for each child.
Each child is unique and responds to everything in life in a different manner than that of his sibling. Whether or not you know it, you treat your kids differently. Yes, you do. Don’t take my word for it. Ask them. By the way--it is okay to treat them differently becasue they different people.

Write Your Own How-To Manual

2005-10-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

How do you take care of this adult-sized babe who comes to you counting on you for food and safety, for comfort and love, for solving problems you don't want to hear about? How do you know what to do?

Hey, you are the adult. Guess. Only act confident so you will at least convince yourself you know what you are doing. And guess what, when you act as if you know what you are doing you likely will gain the confidence in how and what you are doing and everyone will be fine.

Will all be Donna Reed perfect? No. Was the Donna Reed show real? Do people live perfect lives? How boring would life be if everyone and everything went according to our wishes and dreams? Where would the challenge be? How about the surprises that make life interesting and even exciting?

Unconditional Love

2005-10-11T15:27:00.000-07:00

Being a parent is like guessing what is behind door number two. You get what you get and you make the most of it by loving and caring and taking care of your youngster the best way you can. The closer you come to unconditional love the easier it becomes to make it through the moments, the days, weeks, months and years of raising your family.

You see, unconditional love means exactly that—you love your child no matter what: no matter who he is, no matter who he is not; no matter what he does, no matter what he fails to do; no matter what he says, no matter what he fails to say and so on.

There is no loving him when he fulfills your picture of how he should be and withdrawing that love to any degree when he is different from your expectations. Accepting your child exactly as he is at all times—that is the only unconditional love there is.

Your Focus...Your World

2005-10-05T15:16:00.000-07:00

What you focus on expands in your world. Here is the reason why. A key player in the brain is the Reticular Activating System (RAS). Our environment is filled with stimuli. Four billion of bits of information (Learn more details in the video What The Bleep Do We Know.) fly by us each minute. The RAS allows us to screen out all that is not important to us and to focus just on what we care about.

The RAS lets us switch back and forth between our phone conversation and the conversation in the room, for example. Your RAS will continually draw your attention to whatever you think about.

When my daughter was auditioning for conservatories as a dancer she suffered an excruciatingly painful back injury. Suddenly every place I looked I found books, articles, furniture, information and products for natural back care. All that information was always there but since I had no need for it I never saw it. Since I was thinking about her back my RAS zeroed in on all information relevant to back care.

Okay... so the RAS zeros in on what we think about, what is important to us. Here is an interesting statistic: 90% of self talk is negative. (Internationally known trainer Chet Holmes notes that number on his DVD The Power Of Goals And How The Brain Works) The RAS hones in on what is not working, what is wrong, what is missing—everything that is bad gets noticed!

What do you think happens when you worry? A bugle call sounds to awaken the RAS to your worry! So you worry even more. The brain says , ”Oh. Attention is going here. It must be important. Let’s focus on it and find all the evidence in the environment to prove it.” In that moment awful scenarios build in your mind and they get worse with each passing minute! Now you really have something to worry about!

What is your child thinking about most of the time? Is he thinking he is not good enough? not smart enough? tall enough? thin enough? strong enough? cute enough? popular enough?

So long as my daughter focused on the pain of her back injury it got worse. In fact it got so bad there were times she could barely move and she usually cried herself to sleep. Then she learned about how her mind was running her life with that pain.

She told me she could not get better as long as she was going for physical therapy and focusing on the pain. She asked if we could cancel her physical therapy appointments. And so we did.

And my daughter went on to a great conservatory and even to the Broadway stage singing AND DANCING! That accomplishment, after her doctor had said she needed to find another career because she could not be a dancer after that
injury! Thank goodness she did not buy into the paradigm of that doctor.

The RAS serves us in many ways. The other day I was in New York City’s Penn station. My bus had not come and I was deciding whether to wait for another one or take a train. Have you ever been in Penn Station in NYC on a Saturday afternoon in the summer? It was mobbed. I have no idea how many thousands of people and noises filled the space. I was wandering around looking for the information booth when suddenly I heard “Culpeper” over the PA sytem. There is only one train a day to my small town and here it was being announced as I was walking through the place! Without the RAS I would have missed it as I didn’t hear the names of the other stops on the line. Powerful system, yes?

What does the RAS of your teen focus on? What do you notice in your busy environment? Notice any overlap? There are no coincidences.

Let Kids Be Kids

2005-09-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

This post may seem strange here. Well, consider that teenagers are chldren--though they might be rather upset if you mentioned that fact.

I raised two great kids while living in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. They had the advantages of museums, athletic and art programs of all kinds--you name it. Kids there need date books--or parents who keep date books for them. In the Washington, D.C. area there are more psychotherapists per capita than any place else. Are you wondering why?

If you happen to be sensitive to energy you can feel the frenetic energy of the space as soon as you come near the suburbs of our nation's capital. The pressure for kids to do well is superceded only by the pressure for them to do many things well! Even the sports are organzied. You cannot get together a pick-up game of soccer or baseball at the local school because organized leagues have the fields reserved for their teams’ practices and games!

I know of people who set their two-year olds in front of computers because the pre-schools will not take children unless they are computer literate. Good thing that is not a requirement for adults to get into college. And what is it about fancy prep schools that are pre-kindergarten? Some parents actually believe their kids won’t get into Harvard if they go to the “wrong” pre-school.

What ever happened to childhood? What ever happened to just plain fun? Where have all the Radio Flyers gone? (The little red wagons.) And generic swing sets for swinging higher and higher and higher or spinning tightly then unwinding really fast? Do kids today ever get a chance to just hang out and relax, free from the fear they are being graded for their performance?

Take a look at entertainment for kids. The images of the youthful stars, the rock stars who are just too young to know what they are singing about. What is the point of youth if not to enjoy it? The little kids in my neighborhood drive their little motor-driven cars and ride motorized scooters. My small town has a coffee house for teens? Actually it is a place where teens can hang out at night and be safe. Why does it have to be a coffee house? What is the rush to be grown up and do like the grown-ups do?

We spend most of our lifetime as adults. Let's support our kids in just enjoying life for the fun of it! Play is an essential ingredient to mental and physical health. In fact, play is good for kids of all ages!

Knowing Your Child

2005-09-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

Some parents think they know their teens pretty well. I suspect some actually do. On the other hand, adolescence is a time to find oneself, to uncover and discover who one really is inside--the True Self.
Consider that we each play roles in or lives: parent, child, sibling, friend, musician, artist, athlete, scholar, etc. In each role many people seem to follow a specific script just as they do when with different people. Many people speak and act one way with one person and very differently around other people.
With all that role playing people often lose sight of who they really are.
We hear the term,
"Act as if" in the self-improvement realm. We can successfully accomplish life changes by acting as if our world is the way we want it to be until it actually is the way we want it to be. The thing is, people act as if they are a certain way for so long they seem to become who they pretend to be.
Your teen may appear to be someone who actually bears no resemblance to who they are inside. Sometimes they do not even know themselves who that person is which is why teens go through a huge identity crisis. They think they have everyone fooled while thoughts like, "If they only knew the real me..." run silently through their minds. Of course thoughts, being real measuable energy, are never limited to the mind in which they are conceived. They go forth into the Universe where they are unknowlingly picked up, read and interpreted by others.
If you get gut feelings around your teenager, especially feelings of things not feeling good, ask your child how everything is going, how they are. Let them know you care about how they really are rather than how you want them to be. Your child's well being, maybe your teenager's life, depends on trusting your gut and asking questions.

The Power of Love and Patience

2005-09-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

Building Adolescent Self Esteem can only be accomplished when the adolescent wants to change his life. As a parent watching your child go through painful experiences can feel painful for you too.

You want to take the pain on yourself. You can't live your child's life for him. You can only live your life for you and keep loving your child.

Let your child know you are there when he needs you. Keep moving forward in your own life. At some point your teenager may notice how you handle events and ask for assistance in changing how he handles life.

Everything happens at the proper time and in its own time. Unconditional love and patience may be all you have to offer and it is enough.

Accurate Thinking

2005-09-08T15:06:00.000-07:00

The term Accurate Thinking is popping up in more and more places these days. What is Accurate Thinking? Knowing the world just is and events simply are what happens is Accurate Thinking.

We assign meaning to events creating Stinking Thinking. Those kinds of thoughts cause us to feel hurt, sad, angry etc. Those thoughts lead to judgments about how something is and how it should be according to us.

When your child has something in his or her life that goes differently from how it was expected to go then your child has two choices. He or she can interpret the result as being good or bad OR he or she can simply recognize the event went the way the event went.
Building Adolescent Self Esteem entails gifting your child with the knowledge they control how their world flows or ripples. They alone place obstacles and they alone burst through obstacles once they see how they created them in the first place with the stories spoken in their minds.

Life comes down to the choices we make in each instance. Period.

What Is Love

2005-08-30T09:39:00.000-07:00

Your teenager will go through relationships with people they are sure are "the one." What attracts people to each other is underlying energy signals of which we are not aware. What you don’t know you don’t know is what gets you into the state of being stuck. Have you ever noticed that some people get divorced then turn around and marry the first spouse all over again--only the second spouse has a different name and face?
People attract who they are. Adolescents are looking for themselves, for their identity. As their self-image changes and they grow in maturity they will attract different people who are at the same point at each corresponding level.

The key is to love oneself. Since you are going to attract the person you are then be certain you are who you want to be. Most important, be sure you love yourself. It is not possible to love another without true self-love.
Guide your child to ask the questions that guide him or her to uncovering their True Self. Self-image runs lives. Self-images are usually inaccurate. Self-discovery is the path to freedom and really honest unconditional love.
If there are conditions in the relationship--if he or she is your love of your life then no matter how that person acts or fails to act is accepted. One single behavior, not necessarily liked or condoned, is accepted rather than judged when love is present. In a relationship where a behavior or action shuts down the love feelings--well, there was no unconditional love in the first place. Love is always unconditional. Anything else is just emotions, feelings, not love at all.
Building Adolescent Self Esteem is as simple as loving your teen unconditionally and teaching them to love themselves unconditionally before they can love another that way. Armed with that knowledge they will be spared the pain of broken romances.

Make Time For Your Teen

2005-08-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

People are so busy today. The family dinner has, for many, gone by the wayside yielding to meetings, practices, just plain busyness. Stop and consider how short the time is that your child lives in your home. Think about the family situation you are modeling. Whatever you do as a family will be repeated by your children with their families. If you take time to be 100% with your adolescent every single day (even if only for 10-20 minutes) you will reap the rewards of his or her spending time with you after he or she has grown and gone. You are teaching him or her now how a family interacts. Do it consciously.
Virginia Satir was the first family therapist. She told the world that people need 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 to get by and 12 to thrive. How many hugs to do you give your child each day? How often do you say, "I love you."
Building Adolescent Self Esteem becomes an automatic process that comes with being aware of how you live each day. How often and how do you interact with the teenager in your life? Pay attention. You will find the effort to be well worth your while.

Learn About Building Adolescent Self Esteem

2005-08-17T23:48:00.000-07:00

Building Adolescent Self Esteem is about consciously living, an aware life style. What is an aware life style, you ask? Well, consider that most people go through life on automatic. They do the same routine each morning, the same school or work routine, the same evening routine. Have you ever arrived at a destination without being able to recall how you got there? Each step has become as automatic as riding a bike. Once you "get it" you never have to think about how you do it again. So you could say that kind of life style, like bike riding, is one of unconscious living in a trance-like state.
What if you could assist your teen in recognizing how living on automatic keeps him or her from living a really happy and satisfying life? What if you could help your teen see a different more exciting vibrant way of going through each day? To do so would result in your teen living a different life style.
Sound like a chore? What is easier, making choices freely or being led around by the nose? You probably said being led around by the nose which his how most people live. But is life fun and satisfying when others make your choices? Does being told what to do feel good? Does it make you happy? If life is worth living then it is worth your energy to live it your way. If you agree then you want to read Parents, You Gotta Ask Questions: Building Adolescent Self Esteem to make that difference for your teen.

Where To focus

2005-08-09T12:20:00.000-07:00

When most parents think about Building Adolescent Self Esteem they are reacting to a problem they see in their teen. Perhaps their teen is unhappy, not living up to his or her potential, depressed, unhealthy. What do most parents do? They focus all their energy on that single problem. They do not see their child as a whole person. They disregard or actually fail to see behaviors that do not fit the narrow definition they have created for their teenager. How could they possibly make a difference when the energy is being focused on the behaviors that already are disempowering and keeping the child exactly where he or she is?
Consider that looking at the whole person and who your child is being, how your child thinks and acts, creates the reality he or she lives. Rather than looking for what your child does and does not DO remember that he or she is a human being rather than a human doing. Focus on how his or her being in the world is attracting the results and life he or she lives.

Building Adolescent Self Esteem For Real

2005-08-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

Self Esteem And Self Image

2005-07-26T13:59:00.000-07:00

Building Adolescent Self Esteem is so closely related to building a positive self image as to make the two inseparable. Your teen can only do what s/he sees himself capable of doing because of who s/he thinks s/he is in the world. If your child has an image of being attractive then your child is attractive. If your teen defines himself or herself as athletic then s/he is athletic. If someone tells your adolescent s/he is a talented writer and your child does not see himself or herself as a talented writer then all your child can do with such a comment is think something like, "Yeah, right. What other lies are you going to tell me." OR "IF you only knew the truth about me you wouldn't think so."
The task for you, the parent, then becomes one of valuing your child for who s/he is regardless of who s/he thinks himself or herself to be. Love your chilld no matter what. Support your child no matter what. In other words practice unconditional love. I am not saying support unhealthy behaviors. I am suggesting you look for all that is wonderful in your child. I guarantee you will see exactly what you look for. And then reinforce all the greatness you see. Do that over and over. It will become your habit and it will raise your teen's self esteem by altering his or her self image.
Self image is like a self sulfilling prophecy. You get what you expect and only what you expect. So what do you expect from your adolescent?

My world Is Different From Yours--I Think

2005-07-20T13:46:00.000-07:00

My world is differeent from yours because I see the world differently
from the way you see the same world.
I was 16 before I learned that not everyone walks around composing
music in their head most of the time. You know, how you experience the
world is how you assume everyone else experiences the world. The thing
is we each see through a difference set of blinders and we each wear
different lenses. If I see through purple lenses and you see through
red ones then you cannot see anything red and I cannot see anything
purple. PLUS everything I do see has a purple tint while everything you
see has a red tint.
If my blinders limit my field of vision to events and experiences that
make me a victim than I can only see events and experiences that make
me a victim. Oh my gosh! How can I become aware of my blinders and
filters? I learn how my mind works and how my brain works so I can see
how I create my blinders and filters. Actually simply looking at who and
what is in your world, how you live moment to moment will tell you your filters.
Observe!
What if I do not care how my mind or brain work? Well, I simply focus
on how I want my life to look. The bottomline is the "why" does not
matter. All that maters is how I live each moment. And how I live each
moment is my choice when I have awareness of how I can create my choice
consciously instead of automatically. Fact is, either I run my life or I allow
others to run my life.
When I live on automatic and my life is not working as I want it to how
in the world can I expect anything to be different for me? Consider
that you and your teen live on automatic. what can you do to change
that way of being in the world?

Building Adolescent Self Esteem Now

2005-07-14T23:31:00.000-07:00

Building Adolescent Self Esteem does not involve a "how-to" system as much as it involves a "wake up and live" a conscious life style. Everything that exists in the world starts a s thought. Every invention was first an idea in someone's imagination. Every action your child takes or fails to take was first something s/he thought about. Thought creates the world. Thought creates each person's individual world. What your teen think about events determines how s/he responds to events.
Imagine how differently your teenager would experience each day with the knowledge s/he has control over how s/he responds to life events. What happens happens. Interestingly, in Japan there is one word that means both crisis and opportunity. How your teen chooses to act or not act is up tp him or her. The same event is a disaster to one person and an opportunity to another. LIfe was never meant to be difficult. People, with their thoughts, make it hard or easy. How does your child see life? Let him or her know that struggle is optional.

Ask Empowering Questions

2005-07-08T13:23:00.000-07:00

Most people go through life accepting what comes their way. They believe that life just happens. John Lennon spoke for many people with his lyric, "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." Mighty disempowering thought.

What if your teen knew that s/he can create the life of his/her dreams? Your Teen's belief system can be changed if s/he wants to change it. The way to change his/her beliefs is to change his/her daily living patterns, i.e., life style.

One way to powerfully uncover hidden beliefs about himself/herself and see how s/he views the world that keeps him/her stuck in monotony is to ask questions. Health and happiness natually follow once s/he becomes the master asker in his/her life

Ready Fire Aim

2005-07-01T15:50:00.000-07:00

Most people spend so much time lining up the shot, making sure it is perfect, worrying if they are not accurate they will miss the target--they spend so much time aiming they never actually get around to firing. What is your teenager so concerned about messing up that s/he is afraid to take action because of fear of failure? Or maybe fear of success?
Some people do not act becasue they figure when others see how completent they are they will be asked to do more and more will be expected of them all the time. Meeting the high expectations of others can be very stressful.
Do you know that airplanes fly off course more of the time than they do on course? The plane constantly adjusts systems to bring it back on course. I recall being on one flight where the wind was so strong I am certain we were flying on an angle forward (the door to the cockpit was open and I could see our direction) rather than directly forward much of the time and still we reached our destination. The important thing is take action. Make adjusments afterward. All great work is constantly being revised and updated. Let your adolescent know whatever s/he does is better than doing nothing.

That Little voice

2005-06-25T18:22:00.000-07:00

Each of us has a Little Voice that runs pretty much non-stop in our head--until we take control and stop it. What Little Voice? The one talking to you right now saying '"I don't have a little voice."
Well, that voice runs in your head to the tune of 15,000 words per minute and most of what it tells you is negative messages about you. It tells you what you cannot do, how bad you are at what you do, how you are too thin or too tall, etc. That Little Voice is nagging at you constantly beating you down and keeping you in a hole. And there you were wondering why you feel bad about yourself.
Even extremely talented people have a LIttle Voice. Those who know how to quiet it are happpy and successful in all they do. Those who let it rant on wonder why they are not successful in anything they do.
Which are you? You can read more about that Little Voice in Parents, You Gotta Ask Questions: How To Build Adolescnet Self Esteem. Either you help your teen take control of that Little Voice or your child may be doomed to live in mediocrity along with all the average Joes out there--or worse.